is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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