Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
