He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My vagina just clenched in fear
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize