I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
