i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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