i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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