May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
