Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
