You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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