i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
