I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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