At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
