I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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