True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
