he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
high people should be assigned attendants
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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