i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
