don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
They have beer where we have blood.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
