Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
