Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
