bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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