He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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