Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
