it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
