dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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