There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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