I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
