I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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