Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
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