you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
