i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
