Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He shit in the fireplace
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
