This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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