Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
