I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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