Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
