yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
