i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I understand Curling. That high.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
