the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
