He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
