Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
