at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
