im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
