happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
