Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
