There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
