shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize