So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
