I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
