She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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