Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
