I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize