I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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