Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
