Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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